She stared at the stains on the tip of her right pink shoe recalling not seeing them while putting them on in the morning. ‘Great’, she thought. ‘More work for me by the end of day. When will these chores end. I want to live, not just do chores.’. Spending 45 minutes driving to work barely 5 miles away had drained all her morning energy. She had already been exhausted as she woke up.
The kid had commented about a smell as she entered the lift. She recalled her therapist using a room freshener after she left. ‘Do I smell? Am I living in filth?’, she wondered as she watched her colleague arriving towards their assigned seats, knowing the answer full well. She had not been able to change her bedsheet for over a month, she no longer bathed before going to work, the warm water turning her into liquid and killing the intent to go to office. Being visible in the workplace was essential. Many people had been let go lately, she would not let her hard work slide away unseen.
Every single day she had been fighting the fatigue and lethargy, often it would overcome her like a strong wave, heavy enough that she could not breathe, only wanting to crawl back to sleep. Slowly, very slowly, she started fighting that urge.
She had come a long way in the last 10 years, now she was proud to be able to take daily walks with Butter. She had recently graduated to lifting 10 pounds in the gym. She is looking forward to the next morning, has started planning the long awaited road trip to Bhutan with Butter, now she is impatient to live her dreams, if only her body would let her. She convinced herself to be patient, take it slow, let herself breathe as she took one more step, the day would come soon. For today, it was just one breath.
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