We have a sassy hunk, Summer, in our apartment. The first time we met him, Sky was so excited, she was dancing to greet him (she usually likes Shih Tzus). However, once she got the complete picture, her ardor cooled off instantly. Whereas, the boy is always so sweet and starts coo-ing the moment he sees us.
Why? Because Summer can see only through one eye. Due to an unfortunate accident, he lost his other eye. My queen, at times, deigns to return his excitement but mostly ignores him. It could be a simple disdain for the weak. On the other hand, may be she is too careful so she doesn’t accidentally hurt him. Or, may be she doesn’t understand how to behave around him.
And, that’s when it hit – Isn’t that how we behave when we are confronted with any kind of disability face to face?
Apart from the beggars on the street, half of whom we already know are pretending, or a few sales people in select shops, how many disabled people does a regular human encounter in their entire lives? Unless there is someone in the immediate family or friend circle, the disabled people exist on an entirely different planet than us.
Disabilities come in various degrees and most of the people fall somewhere on the spectrum, rarely do they fall on the 100% disabled zone. And, most often, the default reaction of anyone, privileged enough to never have been in contact with any disability, is to feel sorry for them. We have never thought of them as regular human beings, just like us. And, that’s where the problem starts.
I myself have had a minimal interaction with disability. As part of the arranged marriage mart, I came across a well-educated guy who had some issue with his leg. Not exactly sure what the issue was but it was enough to impede him from activities like driving, cycling, etc. Walking was fine but of course not aesthetic enough. He looked decent, talked intelligently, was probably earning well, but none of that mattered.
I still wonder how my life would have worked out had I pushed for that relationship. In that entire equation, this was the distinct impression I got – if I said yes, I would be bestowing a favor on the guy and his entire family would be thankful for that. Just because he was unlucky enough, something which could easily have happened to me or anyone else in the world.
To make matters worse, the opportunity to experience disability for a few hours has turned into a capitalist enterprise. A conceptual restaurant treats you to a three-course meal in complete darkness so you can get a glimpse of the daily lives of blind people. Turning someone’s reality into a sensory experience felt more like a mockery to me.
My health struggles taught me the importance of gentle ramps as opposed to stairs. Now, I can not unsee how the ramp that leads to the sidewalk in my residential community, worth crores of rupees, ends abruptly with a step. I, with all my intact faculties, have struggled to constantly step up and down the entire one kilometer long walkway. God forbid if someone in the wheelchair decides to take a stroll. Or, may be they should just stay at home!
The truth is society was never designed to be inclusive. In fact, the world we live in is not designed for senior citizens, gravely injured people or even pregnant women, let alone the differently abled. We prefer a healthy population and while we acknowledge the presence of the different strata, we prefer to keep distance. That is more comfortable for our vanity.
We are afraid of anything which looks and feels alien to us. We do not know how to process it, and that’s why we shun it. Not because we hate it, but because we do not understand it. That’s probably what Sky is doing also – trying to understand why Summer feels different from all other dogs. Since she doesn’t have the answer, she does not know how to react. May be, with time, she will learn. And, so will we.
With Love, Swathy and Sky
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